We all know that being confident is crucial to succeeding. But which really comes first: the confidence or the success?

1. Be really good.
There’s no better ballast for confidence than competence. Nowhere have I seen this more evident than when I watch or listen to the audiotapes of top sales people. Even among top producers, the spectrum of competence is reflected in the range of confidence as professionals ask clients for commitments. Some of them have elevated skirting the issue of asking for commitment to an art form, and others can be remarkably direct without ever coming across as pushy or arrogant. My observation of the sales people who ask for commitment with confidence is that they are completely convinced of how good they are. They know they have a superior method for helping their clients make smart buying choices, and they expect people to respond positively.

Trusted sales professionals tend to be more confident than ‘old-school’ salespeople because their process for helping clients is more thorough and more professional. While the salesperson probes for a need or hot button to make a product sale, the trusted professional does a full diagnosis, discovers all the necessary information, sets clear long-range goals based on the client’s values, creates a plan, and implements from that plan.

The confidence of being very good helps you ask for commitment, for the fees you deserve, and referrals. I once heard a trusted professional referred to as "reassuringly expensive." Good point! Who really wants ‘cheap’ products and services?

2. Do something hard.
After ten years with IBM and many years before that of working in a corporate structure, I decided to try it on my own and start my own business. I was leaving security (regular pay check, sick time, health benefits, 401K, etc.). There was a great deal of risk for me because I had never been outside the realm of a company structure where if I didn’t earn the money, I didn’t eat, couldn’t pay the bills, and didn’t have anything to fall back on that was regular income to help me. My mother thought I was crazy. I was going to start a business in an industry I knew nothing about. Hard. You bet. Scary too. The payoff could be great though (eventually work less, be happier, increase my quality of life, more time off, improve my health, etc.). In five short years I increased my income seven times. Yes, seven times my IBM income. I am more fit, I play more golf and tennis and I’m a lot happier. Would I go back to security? Would you?

3. Do something that scares you.
A number of years ago I went hang gliding. I am afraid of heights. I mean I am so afraid that I can’t get close to an edge of a one-story balcony and look over without being afraid of falling. I even have a hard time driving on a bridge without having that fear of falling off. For a long time I had been talking about doing something that would put me in a position that is scary. Believe it or not, knowing that I wanted to do something for so long, but not taking the action to do it was eroding my confidence. There was a part of me that felt like a wimp, like someone who talks but doesn’t act. You don’t have to do something outrageous, but one sure way to build confidence is to do something that scares you (even a little). Things that scare you a little probably also exhilarate you. Hang gliding was exciting and exhilarating. We were actually soaring high and with an eagle right above us for a while. It was magnificent. It’s hard to be exhilarated and not feel confident.

4. Do something you have always wanted to do.
Go on that dream vacation; do that five-day Vermont bicycling tour; get to Alaska to watch the bears eat the jumping salmon; re-decorate that room; buy that extravagant toy, piece of jewelry or dream car; take that wine-tasting class; travel on the Concord; go the U.S. Open, etc. Just making firm plans to do it will increase your confidence. In 1997, I bought my dream car. I can hardly begin to describe how it makes me feel when I am driving around in my dream car. You need to experience it for yourself by doing something you have always wanted to do.

"Follow your dream and enjoy the trip." --Davis Love, Jr., to his son Davis III

5. Do something you have been putting off.
Want instant confidence? The great feelings of relief that come with cleaning up a mess or finishing even a small project are wonderful. Most of us discover that these things do not take nearly as much time and effort as expected. This can be as simple as cleaning out the garage, as complex as repairing a relationship with a friend or family member, or as challenging as dealing with a dependency problem. Check something off your list and feel more confident right now.

6. Get in good physical condition.
I’m not sure anything erodes our self-confidence more than being out of shape or overweight. It’s difficult to feel successful just because you make a lot of money when you get winded walking up the stairs, don’t like what you see in the mirror, or haven’t got the strength to easily lift your luggage into the overhead compartment. Scott Tinley, the legendary triathlete, said, "Motion shatters nervousness like a snake sheds its skin." I can’t tell you how many people I talk to who have a goal of being healthy and fit but do little to nothing about being fit. Put yourself on a permanent health and fitness plan and your confidence will soar.

The common theme to all these confidence-builders is action. Inaction diminishes confidence and action builds confidence. One of my ultimate confidence-builders was getting back into good physical condition. In September 1996, I went to get a few tests done for my physical preventative maintenance. It didn’t involve a complete physical exam but they took blood, urine and various measurements. I was just turning 38 years old. The report came back that I weighed 143 pounds, was 28.9% body fat and a number of other indicators that were not extremely positive for me as I would get older. The report told me about the potential medical issues that I was on the path to possibly have if I didn’t change the way I ate and exercised. This was not good. I thought, "How did this happen to me? How did I get to this point? I used to be very fit, active and in excellent condition." I was now on a mission to get myself back into shape. I set a goal of weighing 128 pounds (well within normal range for my body frame) and 18% body fat (well within the normal range). I began to read about food and started working out on a much more regular schedule. When I turned 40, I hit my target goals! I was in better shape at 40 than I was when I was 30. I made life choice changes I can life with. People actually noticed and I felt great. My new goal is that when I turn 50, I want to be in even better shape than when I was 40. This means that every year I have to get better (like a good bottle of wine).

If you want a megadose of confidence, do something that’s hard, scares you, you have always wanted to do, have been putting off, and whips you into great physical condition. While a salesperson can rely on being "slick," the trusted professional approaches difficulty, fear, and procrastination with determination to build not only confidence but character.

"The future never just happened. It was created." --Will & Ariel Durant

Don’t be a traditional ‘old-school’ salesperson; be a Trusted Sales Professional.

©1999 Anne M. Bachrach, San Diego, CA